Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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