Say something about gay babies.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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