he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize