im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
