I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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