I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
