Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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