I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
