If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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