1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
