ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
In America we eat man semen.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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