Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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