I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize