You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
