Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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