Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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