Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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