I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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