I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
