just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
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I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
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I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?