I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
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ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life