This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?