you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.