There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS