ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.