i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion