i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
