Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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