You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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