508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
