Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
