just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
