Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
