I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
