I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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