somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I've blown a few things in my day
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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