i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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