Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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