why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
