U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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