Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Ketchup is God's man juice
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
