i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
