So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
