actually, I'm a sock model
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
