I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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