last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
