My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
