I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
