its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
