Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
