My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
