Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
ugly people sure do ruin things
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
