I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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