he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
