Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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