We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
