I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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