I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize