i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
