Sry I called you an 8
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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