can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
