btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
