Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Randomize
