I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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