this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
