I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
