Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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