white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
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