After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
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I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
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Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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