so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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