you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
