Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
