my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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