every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
